Random Thoughts

April 30, 2008 at 11:40 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment

Just about a year ago, I boarded the bus for Seattle, WA to connect flights to Taiwan again. I truly believed at the time it would be several years before I returned. Roughly planned out, the plan was to save up this year, make plans for my family to meet up in Asia and perhaps at least another year before I returned to North America. Wow, no matter how you plan, things happen and plans change.

These days, I’ve been enjoying it at home. It sweet to have people fuss over you. I’m enjoying homemade food, fresh strawberries, and many other yummy stuff. I’ve had some visitors stop by to visit with me since I’m obviously not suitable to do lots of walking. I don’t think I’ve rested as much in a long while. Oh, and I think I’m still jet-lagged. I can’t seem to wake up in the mornings and can’t quite seem to sleep at night. I can’t imagine what it will be like when I’m going into another time zone next week. And two weeks later, I’ll be halfway around the world again in Taiwan.

I’ve been asked, what do I miss from here. I don’t know where to start. There’s so much I really wouldn’t know where to start the list.

Relaxing at home

April 29, 2008 at 9:37 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment

I haven’t been up to much these days. So far, I’ve only been a few places. We went to Aunty Phoebe’s where Tia has cell group on Saturday afts, and to Winnie’s to visit her before she left on her Alaska cruise. On Sunday, we went to church and to dinner with Aunty Phoebe’s family and also to the supermarket to pick up some supplies.

Monday and today (Tuesday) I spent mostly at home. On Monday aft, Mommy and I made a trip to Walmart and bought me some tops and two dress-like tops. It’s those that you can wear as a long top or a short dress. All these are suitable for work and/or semi-casual occasions.

Today our whole family headed to Surrey Central to drop off Jenny’s sister’s stuff. Jenny had sent along a package for Long-Long, and we went to deliver it. Long-Long and her bf met us at the Skytrain station to pick it up. I must say, the little girl has sure grown up. She’s a lot more polite and better dressed than before. I’ve never seen her so lady-like before.

I seem to be eating a lot more than usual. Perhaps it’s cause I’m home and I’m relaxed. Usually, I’m eating at fixed times only. Now I’m home, my system’s all messed up. And I’m enjoying all the yummy food I don’t usually get in Taiwan.

Stopover Vancouver, Sleeping lots

April 27, 2008 at 2:00 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment
Tags:

I’m home now, been here two nights now. Sleeping lots. Been exploring Tia’s clothing, as I haven’t brought much clothing with me.

At the airport

April 25, 2008 at 10:04 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment
Tags:

On my way home. I must say, airport food is ridiculously expensive. I’ve checked in my luggage already and just grabbing a bite before I go in the gates. The airline staff were really sweet and helpful. I must have looked pretty lost when I walked in.

Waiting, Waiting & Waiting…

April 23, 2008 at 6:38 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment

So I’ve been waiting, waiting, and waiting the past few days. I’ve been quite busy, too with all the paper work to complete before I leave at the end of the week. On the other hand, once I got the paper work done, I had to await a response. It took almost forever since I had been waiting since last week, but it finally came through. Now I think I can believe that I’m really going home. Only for a short week, but hey, I look forward to it still.

Today I completed two other major tasks I needed to take care of before I leave. It’s a good feeling; now, I just have to work on putting all my luggage together. I need to plan out a fine balance of bringing enough stuff but not overloading myself.

I’ll be seeing myself to the airport, but my family will pick me up on arrival. Oh, I can’t wait!

Boost of confidence

April 18, 2008 at 6:27 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment
Tags:

My top supervisor gave me a boost of confidence today. Basically he encouraged me on. I’ve been feeling up and down with so much uncertainty in all that’s happened lately.

I’m Thinking Positively (13)

April 16, 2008 at 10:40 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment
Tags:

~Although it’s raining now, I’m thankful for all the nice weather we’ve had recently. Not too hot, not too cold. Just right~

~Ticking of things on my to-do list as I complete them. Cool, I’m accomplishing tasks bit by bit.

Overload of things to do~

April 16, 2008 at 10:18 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment

I’m overloaded with things to do, tasks to complete before I go away. There will be more awaiting me when I return to Taipei, but nevertheless, I feel very blessed for the opportunity to go on the trip. Although I only have a week home, yet, I feel very blessed to be able to swing home both on my way to and from Ottawa.

Mom’s already told me, Dad’s taking that week off from work. Since this trip is very short, I will cherish it even more. I won’t be able to stay in Canada long enough to attend Tia’s graduation due to our busy MAY/JUNE schedule at work. But hey, this trip to visit was already an unexpected surprise to all.

I found out today that Ottawa is located along a river across from the province of Quebec. Honestly, I feel very ignorant as I don’t know much at all about places outside of the greater Vancouver area. I kinda wonder, with the free weekend in my schedule, what should I make do of it. It’s so hard to plan a trip to a place you’ve never been to before and you are making on your own. How far is a reasonable reachable distance of travel from Ottawa? Some say, I should make a trip to Quebec or Montreal, but so far I plan to stay in Ottawa for the weekend. I don’t know anyone there though, otherwise it would be nice to meet up with friends.

I have a doctor’s appointment coming up on Saturday, so I need to discuss with my doctor further details about about my upcoming trip. Today, I took care of my insurance issues that needed follow-up on as well as insurance for my upcoming trip.

I guess, in this trip, I’ll find out for sure if my knee (the four pins within) will set off the metal detector at the security gates. I’ve always been curious as to what would happen when traveling. Now I shall find out.

Overload of things to do~

April 16, 2008 at 10:18 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment

I’m overloaded with things to do, tasks to complete before I go away. There will be more awaiting me when I return to Taipei, but nevertheless, I feel very blessed for the opportunity to go on the trip. Although I only have a week home, yet, I feel very blessed to be able to swing home both on my way to and from Ottawa.

Mom’s already told me, Dad’s taking that week off from work. Since this trip is very short, I will cherish it even more. I won’t be able to stay in Canada long enough to attend Tia’s graduation due to our busy MAY/JUNE schedule at work. But hey, this trip to visit was already an unexpected surprise to all.

I found out today that Ottawa is located along a river across from the province of Quebec. Honestly, I feel very ignorant as I don’t know much at all about places outside of the greater Vancouver area. I kinda wonder, with the free weekend in my schedule, what should I make do of it. It’s so hard to plan a trip to a place you’ve never been to before and you are making on your own. How far is a reasonable reachable distance of travel from Ottawa? Some say, I should make a trip to Quebec or Montreal, but so far I plan to stay in Ottawa for the weekend. I don’t know anyone there though, otherwise it would be nice to meet up with friends.

I have a doctor’s appointment coming up on Saturday, so I need to discuss with my doctor further details about about my upcoming trip. Today, I took care of my insurance issues that needed follow-up on as well as insurance for my upcoming trip.

I guess, in this trip, I’ll find out for sure if my knee (the four pins within) will set off the metal detector at the security gates. I’ve always been curious as to what would happen when traveling. Now I shall find out.

I’m Thinking Positively (12)

April 15, 2008 at 11:25 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment
Tags:

~I’ve got so much to do in such short time. But I know I can do it!

~Got my travel itinary pretty much planned out. Yippee!

I’m Thinking Positively (11)

April 14, 2008 at 10:26 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment
Tags:

~After a year of being away from home, I’m going for a visit. A bit short, but better than nothing. Excited anyway~

~Two years ago today, I started my current job. How time flies!

Going to Ottawa, stopover at home~

April 14, 2008 at 7:24 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment

So it’s confirmed, I’m gonna go to Ottawa in May. I’m in progress of planning my trip including a stopover at home. It’s been a year since I was home.

I’m Thinking Positively (10)

April 13, 2008 at 10:59 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment
Tags:

God has always provided for me. I’m blessed in many ways.

Busy Weekend

April 13, 2008 at 10:43 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment

These days I’ve been busier.

I started two one-on-ones on the the weekend. One was a hand-me-down from another teacher. The student had changed schedules and the teacher could no longer teach her. It’s the first time I’ve taken over like that so I was kinda nervous, but in the end it all went well.

My other student was a former one from a long time ago. He’s planning to go to Germany for trainig fairly soon, so he wanted more practice with English.

Aside from these two, I had my regular weekend class over the weekend. We had extended class due to make up for Election Day a few weeks earlier. Today was also the last day of class, so they brought in KFC and we ended the class with a game of Scrabble while eating KFC.

As of next week, I have no new classes at the moment. I’m still unsure of my schedule for the next few weeks. I’m hoping to be able to go attend a training session in May, but so far no confirmation yet. Once I can confirm if I go or not, I’ll know how to plan out the rest of my schedule for the coming months. There’s so much I’d like to do~

I’m Thinking Positively (9)

April 10, 2008 at 11:21 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment
Tags:

Some things that made me smile today:

~Got NT200 on the receipt/number lottery. It’s the smallest prize, but hey, I never get anything usually.

~I went to the department store to pick up something I had ordered. Ended up shopping a slight bit. I also picked up a very cute swimsuit. Can’t wait to wear it.

~Stopped by the hairsalon, now I feel refreshed. I feel pampered!

I’m Thinking Positively (9)

April 10, 2008 at 11:21 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment
Tags:

Some things that made me smile today:

~Got NT200 on the receipt/number lottery. It’s the smallest prize, but hey, I never get anything usually.

~I went to the department store to pick up something I had ordered. Ended up shopping a slight bit. I also picked up a very cute swimsuit. Can’t wait to wear it.

~Stopped by the hairsalon, now I feel refreshed. I feel pampered!

Trying to decide~

April 10, 2008 at 5:47 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment

這幾天 一直在想 我到底要不要回去參加妹妹的畢業典禮
小妹長大了 寶貝妹妹是我看著長大的
聽說她現在比我還高呢
 
想回去 但又覺得回去一趟 很花錢 也擔心 我適合這樣長途旅行嗎
只要一稍微走多了 右腿會腫
 
好不容易說服了自己
今天把假省著點用 也用這一年 努力存錢
明年和家人一起再全家一起去玩玩
 
盼望著 有朝一日可以去出國受訓
如此一來 可以順道回家 也回去參加妹妹的畢業典禮
 
前兩天 媽咪來訊 說爸爸要我計劃計劃一下
安排行程回去一趟

(to be continued)

What happened to the sunshine?

April 10, 2008 at 7:12 am | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment

I woke up earlier this morning. It’s pouring outside. There’s thunder and the whole bit. What happened to the sunshine? I don’t like going to work in the rain la~

I’m Thinking Positively (8)

April 9, 2008 at 10:44 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment
Tags:

Here goes my positives of the day:

~I cancelled an extra cell phone I had. Means I don’t need to pay the extra bill in the future. Every cent not spent is saved~

~Had a nice chat in the afternoon with a colleague. He gave me some things to ponder about. It’s for my good, things I hadn’t thought about since I’m so naive when it comes to career planning.

~Had dinner with a dear friend and her visiting parents. Lovely time together.

Collection–丟了翅膀的天使

April 8, 2008 at 11:56 pm | Posted in 心情筆記/Journal | Leave a comment
Tags:

Another sweet story to add to my collection.

*********** 丟了翅膀, 他是天使 ************

1.

當在外地出差的我坐飛機趕回來時,十個月的兒子新新已經被推出搶救室。醫生說持續的高燒也許損傷了腦神經,我要有心理準備接受可能的後遺症。

老公兩天后才從國外回來。出院後,我們常常測試新新的聽力和視覺,沒有發現任何異常。我們終於放下忐忑的心。可漸漸地,我發現他開始瞪著無神的眼睛發呆,或者呈現一種令我不安的笑容。當和新新一般大的孩子開始邁著步子,清脆地喊著爸爸媽媽的時候,新新依舊呆呆坐在那裏,傻傻地笑著。抱著他四處求醫,結論同出一轍:新新的智力將會停留在幼兒期,除非發生奇跡。

那是段痛不欲生的日子,抱著孩子尋找各種可能的奇跡,秘方、偏方,甚至針灸。那長長的針如同刺在我的心尖,汗和淚伴著孩子淒厲的哭聲一起落下。我多麼希望這只是一場夢,夢醒後充滿靈氣的新新在對我甜甜地笑。我開始幻聽,總感覺新新在喊媽媽。

我深深自責為了事業沒有照顧好兒子,卻不敢留在家裏面對。每天下班後沉默地摟著他,日復一日,淚流盡了,心也似乎麻木了。老公也因為家裏氣氛沉悶,漸漸變得很少回家吃飯。

婆婆來看我們,說把新新帶走,讓我們再要一個孩子。我不假思索斷然拒絕,我不能那樣做 !他沒有選擇地來到這個世界,又因為我的疏忽變成這樣,已經夠不幸了!把新新緊緊摟在懷裏,我不要別人分享對他的愛!

2.

新新兩周歲生日那天,我才驚覺老公已經不再陪我們一起吃飯了,怕失去他的恐慌開始噬咬著我,使我覺得難以呼吸。直至深夜,一身酒氣踉踉蹌蹌的老公才踏進家門,我已經荒蕪的淚水終於又奔湧出來。老婆,我們再要一個孩子好嗎?我狠狠點著頭,與他緊緊相擁,抵死纏綿……

我又懷孕了!撫著逐漸隆起的小腹,有些苦澀的甜蜜。我仿佛比誰都期待這個孩子,卻又在內心裏抗拒這個孩子。看到新新向我伸來的手臂,我的心又湧起巨大的痛楚:新新,這個世界,除了媽媽誰還能愛你 !

我終於下定決心打掉這個孩子,可檢查結果使我震驚:我竟然懷了雙胞胎!

2002年的夏天,一對漂亮的小女孩陽陽和月月降臨了。滿月以後,那對粉雕玉琢的小人,總是甜甜地笑,很少哭鬧。只要我一說話,頭就隨著我的聲音轉,讓我充分享受到做媽媽的喜悅。我已經顧不上新新,無論我多麼約束自己,潛意識裏我已經開始忽略新新,只把他交給保姆,甚至開始討厭他那傻傻的樣子。

轉眼,陽陽和月月會走了。新新一般不注意什麼,只是對這兩個妹妹格外敏感,常常注視她們的一舉一動,似乎帶著極大的興趣,而且不同于平時的眼神。我是不允許他接近她們的,他只能那樣在一邊望著,可我控制不住陽陽和月月蹣跚邁向新新的腳步,她們同樣對新新表現出極大的興趣。而我卻捨不得強迫她們什麼,只是一次又一次嚴厲地對新新說,記住,不許碰妹妹!不許碰妹妹!漸漸地,他對我有了怯意,我卻絲毫沒覺得有何不妥。

一天,孩子們在午睡,保姆出去買菜,我去儲物間整理衣物。突然聽到孩子的哭聲,我連忙跑進臥室,看到新新正從床的欄杆間縫向外拉月月的兩根手指,手指被卡住,新新還在用力向外拉。我一把拉過新新,照著他的手,狠狠拍打,不是告訴你不許碰妹妹,不許碰妹妹嗎!看你以後還碰不碰妹妹!我越打越生氣,似乎在發洩對他積累的厭惡。我瘋了似的尋找可以用來打他的東西,直到看見鏡子裏自己魔鬼一樣的臉。我終於聽到孩子們的哭聲,終於看到蜷縮一團哭泣的新新,還有女兒們的喊叫聲……

保姆回來了,抱起新新,看著我餘怒未消的臉想說什麼,我擺擺手讓她抱新新回自己的房間。我哄著陽陽和月月,突然看到床上有幾塊動物餅乾,陽陽的手裏還握著一塊要喂我。我連忙到月月那邊,果然月月那邊床下有幾塊餅乾,已經被我踩碎了。新新最喜歡吃動物餅乾,原來他拉妹妹的手是要給妹妹餅乾。我的心被刺痛了,連忙到他的房間,他已經被保姆哄睡了,可還在睡夢裏抽搐著。我不禁泛起一陣酸楚,我這是怎麼了 ?我還是他的媽媽嗎?

一天,我和女兒們玩著擁抱的遊戲。我拍拍手,她們就喊著媽媽,張著小胳膊爭先恐後向我跑來,然後我們緊緊擁抱。這麼簡單的遊戲,她們卻樂此不疲,一遍又一遍。忽然,新新也張開他的胳膊,向我跑來,含糊地說著,媽媽,媽媽。我簡直不相信自己的耳朵!我的兒子,自從來到這個世界,從沒開過口!緊緊摟住撲到懷裏的新新,我哭了。已經對他沉睡的母愛被重新喚起,兒子,媽媽有多久沒摟過你,媽媽對不起你!

3.

我終於開始認真思考我的孩子們,我有一個與眾不同的家庭,我竟然有三個孩子!他們正漸漸長大,將來要有他們自己的人生。等我離開這個世界時,只有他們之間才能互相照顧。尤其新新,他需要好多好多的愛。

我不再分隔他們,而是常常告訴女兒們,要好好愛哥哥,因為沒有他,就沒有她們。我知道她們聽不懂,我只希望她們會記住我的話。

我每天陪三個孩子做遊戲,唱歌,跳舞,為他們講故事。而新新,越來越有靈氣,不但會叫爸爸、妹妹了,還會含糊表達自己的需要,而且會隨著節奏跳些簡單的舞步。看著並成一排熟睡中的孩子們,我終於相信這個世界上有奇跡,那就是愛,愛可以創造一切!

陽陽和月月到了上幼稚園的年齡,我也該上班了。為了減少我的負擔,婆婆來商量著把新新接走。我猶豫再三,其實按新新現在的情況,勉強可以上幼稚園,可他畢竟和別的孩子不一樣,我害怕來自外界給他的傷害。

新新被帶走的那個晚上,女兒們不肯上床睡覺,一定要等哥哥回來。她們閃著漂亮的大眼睛問我,哥哥什麼時候回來?為什麼哥哥不上幼稚園?我的心一凜,回答她們,哥哥生病了,要好長時間才會好。她們又問。他會想我們的,為什麼我們不照顧他呢?快讓哥哥回來,我們會照顧他的。我的心緊了又緊,你們要乖乖的,只要你們聽話,哥哥就會回來。她們終於乖乖睡下,而我在黑夜裏掛念著新新。兒子,你好嗎?

女兒們只去了三天幼稚園,就說什麼也不肯去了,告訴我幼稚園裏有好多好玩的玩具,還有好多的小朋友,還學習新歌,認字,英語,她們要等哥哥回來一起去。她們充滿期盼的眼睛望著我,還帶有小小的挑釁。我訝於她們的執拗,耐著性子哄著她們,可她們卻怎麼也不肯答應。我沉下臉一手抱著一個,她們哇哇哭起來,媽媽騙人,說只要我們乖,哥哥就會回來,我們都聽話了,可哥哥還是沒有回來!

我的心猛地僵住了 !壓抑的眼淚再也控制不住,你們的哥哥,他和別人不一樣,他永遠學不會那些東西!女兒們為我擦著淚,會的,會的,媽媽,哥哥能學會的,我們會幫助他的!看著她們,我感到了做媽媽的歉疚,我只會一味逃避,以為自己很愛新新,卻不如孩子們充滿信心去面對。

門鈴響,竟然是婆婆送新新回來了!幾天不見,新新瘦了好多。婆婆無奈地說,這幾天新新幾乎沒吃東西,也不肯睡覺,只一直哭,喊著妹妹,妹妹。她看了心裏實在難受,不得已就送回來了。

女兒們興奮起來,拉著新新的手,開始講幼稚園的事情,還催促我為新新換最漂亮的衣服,他們要一起去幼稚園。

4.

我找到園長,請求她讓我的孩子們在一起。因為按照新新的年齡應該上大班,可他的智力水準還不如小班的孩子。當看到我的女兒們一邊一個拉著兒子的手,並揮手和我再見的時候。我相信這個決定是對的,愛會為我們創造更多的奇跡。

每天從幼稚園回來,陽陽和月月都幫助新新復習一天學過的東西,而且不許我插手。我的女兒們是班裏最出色的孩子,學什麼都特別快,而且記得牢。我知道那是因為她們要教哥哥,所以格外用心去學習。從沒看過比她們還有耐心的孩子,輪流一遍又一遍教著笨拙的新新,一個單詞往往要重複好多好多遍,甚至夢裏還在喃喃。每次新新學會了,她們就會歡呼起來,然後學著幼稚園老師的樣子翹起大拇指說,哥哥你好棒,哥哥你真棒!而我的兒子,就看著妹妹,傻傻憨憨地笑著。

老師要求每個孩子學習寫自己的名字,這對新新來講簡直是不可能的事情。可一個月後的一天,女兒們興奮地拉著兒子跑來告訴我,哥哥會寫自己的名字了!我將信將疑地看著兒子在紙上歪歪扭扭地寫下兩個大大的’新 ‘字,尤其看到他們練習的本子,我小小的女兒們,竟然知道把哥哥的名字拆成筆劃來教,好幾個本子寫著他們循序漸進的過程,我再一次被女兒們的耐心折服得淚流滿面。

一天,我去接他們。走到教室門口,聽到有個孩子喊著,你們的哥哥是個傻孩子!我一驚,連忙走進去。我示意正要阻止的老師,決定讓孩子們自己去面對。

只見陽陽憋紅了小臉對那個孩子說,我的哥哥不是傻孩子,他是天使,他丟了翅膀,來到我們家,變成一個世界上最好的哥哥,他只不過還沒習慣人間的生活。孩子們發出 ‘哇’的驚歎聲,你們的哥哥竟然是天使哎!

老師含著眼淚摟過陽陽,對孩子們說,新新是我們班的天使,他會愛我們每個小朋友,還教會我們如何去愛別人。

回家的路上,我的心被女兒編織的故事激蕩著。我問她們為什麼那麼愛哥哥,她們一起回答,因為沒有哥哥就沒有我們啊!忽地淚又盈滿我的眼,原來她們已經牢牢記住了我的話,那麼小,就學會了愛和感恩。他們是上天賜給彼此的天使,也是上天送給我最珍貴的禮物。因為他們,我才知道,做媽媽是那麼值得驕傲和幸福!

Next Page »

Blog at WordPress.com.
Entries and comments feeds.